The Advice shared by A Father Which Rescued Us when I became a New Dad

"I think I was simply trying to survive for the first year."

Ex- reality TV personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the difficulties of being a father.

However the truth soon proved to be "very different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health complications surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was thrust into becoming her main carer while also looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, each diaper… every walk. The job of mother and father," Ryan stated.

After nearly a year he reached burnout. It was a chat with his parent, on a park bench, that made him realise he needed help.

The simple phrases "You are not in a good spot. You require support. How can I help you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and find a way back.

His story is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. While people is now more accustomed to addressing the stress on moms and about PND, less is said about the challenges dads go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan thinks his difficulties are linked to a wider reluctance to communicate between men, who still absorb negative notions of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and doesn't fall time and again."

"It's not a sign of failure to request help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not justified to be seeking help" - particularly ahead of a mother and child - but she highlights their mental state is just as important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the chance to take a pause - going on a few days abroad, away from the home environment, to gain perspective.

He understood he required a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's feelings alongside the practical tasks of caring for a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she needed" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has transformed how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son to better grasp the vocabulary of feelings and interpret his parenting choices.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen lacked stable male a father figure. Despite having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, deep-held trauma meant his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up feelings resulted in him make "terrible actions" when he was younger to change how he was feeling, turning in substance use as escapism from the hurt.

"You find your way to things that are harmful," he says. "They can briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Managing as a New Dad

• Share with someone - when you are overwhelmed, tell a friend, your spouse or a professional what you're going through. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the things that made you feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. This might be exercising, seeing friends or gaming.
• Look after the physical health - a good diet, getting some exercise and if you can, resting, all contribute in how your emotional health is doing.
• Spend time with other new dads - sharing their journeys, the messy ones, as well as the joys, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that seeking help isn't failing - taking care of your own well-being is the best way you can care for your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead provide the security and emotional support he lacked.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the feelings safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they faced their struggles, altered how they express themselves, and learned to control themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… processing things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, at times I believe my role is to guide and direct you on life, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I'm learning just as much as you are in this journey."